My Own Private Guantanamo

Pranks, Power and Pop Culture


Welcome to FYF Fest. Here are the rules.

September 3, 2010

Kids today have it rough. Sure they have Facebook and iPhones and the world at their fingertips. But I don’t remember the youth counterculture of the 80s being quite so conformist, or downright obedient to arbitrary rules. What next, piss tests at the gate? (Yeah, yeah. I’m getting old.) I can still remember a time when rules like these wouldn’t fly.


Here is a list of items that you can not bring into the festival.

Bottled Water or reusable water containers. (Buy our overpriced water. Fuck the environment.)

• Blankets (You think this is a state park or something?)

• Professional Cameras with detachable lens (Just because.)

• Weapons (Duh.)

• Pens or Markers (What do you wanna do, smart guy? Write something?)

• Outside food (Wait in line for a Korean taco or a $5 grilled cheese with the rest of the hipsters.)

• Drugs or Drug Paraphernalia (Because Sleep’s reunion will be so much better without weed.)

• Open Cigarette Packs (must be CLOSED) (To keep their freshness.)

• No studs, safety pins or mohawks. (Because 7 Seconds specifically requested NO MOHAWKS in their rider.)

• Blankets (We really mean it.)

• Backpacks (You might try to hide a blanket in there.)

• Please no purses larger then (sic) 12 inches x 12 inches. (Just the right size for buying overpriced vinyl records, but too small for a blanket.)

THERE ARE NO IN’S (sic) AND OUTS (Naturally.)

BTW: Sunscreen is allowed. We don’t want you to get burnt. (By the sun, that is.)