“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”– Ernest Hemingway

“The cat is above all things, a dramatist.” — Margaret Benson

“If cats could talk, they wouldn’t.” — Nan Porter

Porter was wrong. The evidence is everywhere. Cats are already talking. But what in the fuck are they trying to tell us? By popular request, here is a curated selection of possessed kittehs, mewing in tongues, hissing and lashing out, when necessary to make their point.

This shit is freaking me out. Is this cat even real?

Chatty demon kitteh.

What’s happening here? I mean…

“Ya naughty girl. Behave yourself.”

The laugh track makes this even scarier.

Speaking of laugh tracks, could we just replace Two and a Half Men with weekly installments of this?

Adopt Pinky, he’s a very loving cat.

And who can forget “Burger & Fries?”

Can you hear them now?

Oh, and don’t forget this ominous Dutch proverb:

“Those who dislike cats will be carried to the cemetery in the rain.” Huh?